this is my work in progress writing for the big coke bomb that we did on monday 14th of october could I get some feedback on how I could describe the explosion. all of my class had to do this for writing we were doing recounts.
It was a sunny bright monday and we had just finished a game of ballrush. Miss Mccormick blew her whistle and Miss Thomason was ready for her experiment. Rican had ran from class and made it in time for the big coke explosion.
I really enjoyed this because I got to try this again but at a different time.
Wednesday, October 17, 2018
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Hello Bradley I think this is great writing and you are using good adjectives. Next time maybe put in a hook and explain why your doing this in the story. Please check out my coke writing on my blog and tell me what to improve on.
ReplyDelete-Kieran
Hi brad I like your work because told us who was there. you might need to work on the setting of the recount, what you're thinking and what you can see when the coke foams up. I remember a time when I wrote a recount about this time.
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